Journal #31: You Must Do

While reading a plethora of articles today as I tried to catch up on my sources I started to think about how everyone in these research plans had to simply DO. No one on this earth could be where they were if they hadn't chosen to take the steps necessary to make it to where they are. Lawrence Corbridge, author of the "Fourth Missionary" said that "your life's greatest work is you". And ultimately is that not what this is all about? Life...its about bettering ourselves through service to others in order to make it back to our Heavenly Father; it is about experiencing, about learning, about choosing, and finding. I would not be where I am today without the work I have done and my constant efforts to be better and to DO more every single day. I am constantly striving to do more and to be more like the quote above says, but what does that mean for my research? I certainly would not be doing it if I were not trying to do more and be more for myself and my own progression, but more than that I want to learn about other people in our world and how they do more and how they choose to be more. Agency will certainly come into play in my research. The doctors and patients I observe will be making constant choices and will not know the consequence or why they are saying this and doing that, though their background lead them to where they are today. With that, our discussion about dealing with culture shock today made me think even more about the choices I will be making each day. In less than a month I will be entering a culture that is so different from what I am used to. I really only know two worlds. Roseville, California and Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. I have not experienced much else. Not only am I going on an adventure on my own, away from all familiarity, family, and friends, I am going on a journey that will potentially rock my world. I am going to see and experience things that I did not expect nor will I anticipate the way this experience is going to affect and change me. So what am I going to choose? Am I going to choose to let myself get overwhelmed in wishing I was home, or wishing that my field experience was over because it is too stressful, or wishing that I could just eat a hamburger already...no. I am human, inevitably I will feel frustrated, lonely, confused, without purpose, hungry, tired, bewildered, overwhelmed, and just completely lost at times throughout this experience. BUT, the beauty of those feelings is in the opposition. I will also feel joy, gladness, full, hot, proud, full of purpose, productive, changed, etc... There is no telling what feelings my experience will facilitate. I am an open book. Waiting to be written upon. My pages are blank, I don't know what to expect, and I am ready to let this experience change me. I am ready to embrace this African culture. I am ready to face these challenges. I am willing to let Heavenly Father give me a mountain to climb and I am determined to reach the top. I am ready to suffer through the sleepless nights and the weight loss from lack of nutrients because my stomach is not used to the food. I am ready to get malaria (lets hope I don't but it would be great participant observation after all). I am ready to take bucket showers. I am ready to rely on the Lord as my comfort and my best friend when I cannot call my mom at the drop of a hat. I am ready to make this a success academically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am prepared to CHOOSE happiness and positivity. I know that I have the capacity to overcome those days where I feel lost and lonely and confused. I know that I can ultimately learn way more from this culture than they could ever learn from me and I am excited to let these people and this experience write my story this summer. It won't be anything like Rita Skeeter on Harry Potter, no twisting and turning and changing the words to fabricate gossip. This experience is going to be raw. The things I learn and the words I put on paper are going to be raw. I am going to face new challenges within the scope of my project every day that I am forced to overcome. Problem solving and quick wit are two things that I am blessed with which I know will come in handy. I know that the success of my project is up to me, but like I said in my earlier post about what success means to me...found here ... I am going to choose to make each day that success. This culture is going to change me and it is going to be hard. I am going to feel culture shock, in all of its stages. I am going to be as happy as can be and know my purpose for being there. And ultimately, I am going to bear my name, the name of BYU and the name of one of God's children proudly.

Journal #29: success

 I feel like I have grown more spiritually this semester than at any time in my life. I was not anticipating this aspect of my preparation for Ghana at all but it has been the most rewarding growth I think I have ever experienced and I feel like it is going to make a world of difference while I am there. Today in class someone mentioned about how our attitudes will greatly affect our experience, especially in how we identify each aspect of our day and that got me thinking about how I will define my days in Ghana, and even more so had me asking myself how do I define my every day? What do I look back on at the end of the day when I am laying in bed? Do I see my life and my accomplishments as a success?

What is success, and how do we achieve it? I think it is different for every human being on this earth and no two people would define it in the same way. Some days for me are successful if I am able to get out of bed in the morning to drag myself to statistics at 9 am with 3 hours of sleep the night before. Others, are full of fulfilling accomplishments and appreciation of the beautiful world we live in. Others are a success simply because I was able to smile at someone and bring a little sunshine to their day. Success is one of the words in our vocabulary which is extremely relative to the beholder of its vision and context. But what does it mean to me?

 Like this quote to the right, I feel like success to me means that I was able to do all the little things that make for a happy and fulfilling life for me. Making my bed, brushing my teeth, praying in the morning, getting ready for school, getting a decent breakfast, finishing my homework, getting everything done at work, learning something new, appreciating God's creations, talking to my family, writing a letter, exercising, reading scriptures, working on my project proposal, learning a new word in Twi, doing well on a test, singing a song, doing the dishes, feeling the sun on my skin, being kind to others, helping out when I was not asked, staying awake in class, writing in my journal, only going on facebook once a day, thinking about others, reading a book, visiting a friend I haven't seen in awhile,

stopping to talk to someone instead of just swiftly saying hello and walking quickly by to my next destination (why am i always in such a hurry to get to the next place anyway?), stopping to look at the sunset, experiencing something new, feeling the spirit, doing well on a test, laughing with my roommates, calling my mom, being proud of my appearance, fulfilling my callings, always moving forward, stumbling upon something serendipitous, feeling joyful nostalgia, eating only healthy foods some days, not being mad at myself for indulging in sweets, feeling completely content with who I am,

  

understanding my role as a woman here on earth, recognizing God's hand in all things, coming home to a clean house, making a new friend, telling my Dad how much I love him, expressing gratitude, dancing, going to the park, marveling at the beauty of this life, learning how to love others, teaching someone something, never taking someone's sunshine away, smiling at pictures of my nephews, gaining insight about something from my sister, laughing at a joke, helping out a friend, helping out a stranger... If I could I would keep that list going forever. For now I will just keep listing the little successes in my mind. I think that every day that we are alive is a success. Heavenly Father gave us bodies and free agency and He trusts us with this amazing power to live. So what are we going to do with it? Are we going to sit on the couch thinking about all the things we should have done that day or are we going to praise His name and recognize the beauty of every single breath, every single step, and every single moment that we experience here on this earth. Every day is a success really and if we just remember that, if I just remember that then I will have such a beautiful experience in the field.


Beyond those successes that I feel every day, I wonder what will feel like a success when it comes to my research. I honestly have no idea and the closer my departure date, the less prepared I feel. I don't know what my typical day will be like. I don't know what I am going to eat, I don't know what I am going to do, I don't know what I am going to wear, I don't even know if my methods and planning for my research are going to work out at all. That is the beauty of this though, I just don't know. I am going into this with zero expectations because I don't even know what to think about most things. I just realized that I have been sitting here thinking about this concept for an hour already...what is it going to be like when I am in the field reflecting upon my day. Will I be happy with the research I was able to do that day? Did I collect data that is conducive to my research question? Did I bring a smile to someone? Did I learn from the Ghanaian people and embrace their culture that day? Was I able to eat the food? Did I stop to thank my Heavenly Father for the opportunity to be there? What kinds of things are going to spell out SUCCESS for me while I am in Ghana? I really don't know. I don't know if my research methods are actually going to produce the results I am seeking. I don't know if I will have valid research to write my senior thesis on at the end of the summer. I don't know how I am going to react to culture shock and a new experience in a new place with hundreds of strangers and no family nearby. I don't know how I am going to cope with my back pain if I have to stand up a lot during my volunteer/research hours at the hospital. I don't even know how I am going to really dive into my research and get it done. But the one thing that I do know is that I am going to "embrace each day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks" -Elder Busche. That will be my success. I am going to have a good experience. I am going to learn about the people in Ghana as a friend, as an anthropologist, as a foreigner, an outsider, a woman, a girl, a human being. I am going to let this experience change me. I am going to MAKE each day a success.