So I've been in the Americas for about 3 weeks now though it feels like I never left. Africa seems like a bit of a dream, I know that 3 months compared to 21 years is not much at all but I guess I kinda felt like it would have changed my brain in a different way than it did in that I would have felt like Africa was my world, yet America is and I think I always knew that and even though a piece of my heart belongs to Africa...a bigger chunk belongs here. I love the food, I love my family, I love my friends, I love California and my home, I love the summers...I just love America I tell ya, it really is a blessing to be born and raised in the land of the free. Opportunities unmeasured. Its not without its flaws but it is a great country. Let me just lay out a few of the things that I have learned from this whole experience, in no particular order...
ACADEMIC and CAREER:
Before going to Ghana I had plans to conduct my research, go back to BYU to graduate in April, take a year off to work and apply to the dual Masters program at Boston University in Medical Anthropology and Cross-Cultural Solutions, and then go from there. Turns out conducting Anthropological research is very difficult and while I loved the actual research and data collection aspect, what I did not love was the hours and hours of analyzing and write ups. My hands would cramp up and my palms would fall asleep from sitting against my laptop while I typed for hours on end. Props to all you writers out there...its hard work. Silly as that seems, I simply have no desire to do that again. Yes I am a champion typer now. Just ask me how many words per minute I can type now...I would be the best Secretary any business could ask for. Graduate level research would just magnify time spent analyzing and typing and call my crazy but I did not love the hours and hours I had to dedicate to sitting down while I typed away endless notes about my goings on throughout the day as I analyzed every minute of it. It kind of makes you stop living in the world because you are so obsessed with seeing and analyzing it that you cant simply experience it. Turns out, that is not my favorite way to live. Im more of a fly by the seat of your pants kinda girl. I like to take life as it comes and combat whatever ninjas or pirates or monsters come my way...not only that but the daisies and the sunshine and the dancing through life is not so bad either. Give me mountains to climb and heck I will climb them. Just dont make me analyze every second of every day to try to come up for reasons why humans do what they do. Anthropology is great, so interesting, and it has strengthened my testimony of human beings and the human existence for sure...I just am not fond of the idea of doing it all again. Now all that is not the only reason for my change in plans but it certainly is a contributing factor. Sorry Anthropology, I love you, but not enough. I will continue to pursue a Bachelor's degree in Sociocultural Anthropology for now, though I may not graduate in April since I am no longer in a rush. From graduation on I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do but to be honest, I dont think I am one of those women destined for a career. I love working, being independent, and supporting myself, but supporting a family is not one of those things that has always been on my list. Cliche as it may seem in this day and age, I just want to be a mother. It is my divine calling in life after all and I think it is a beautiful one at that. I have never had the desire so strongly as I do now. Be it because of those adorable African children that I cannot stop thinking about or what have you...being a stay at home mom and getting to see every step of my children's lives as they grow seems about the greatest job a woman like me could ever hope to be qualified for.
PERSONAL:
Now besides the growth that I've seen in my stomach from all the starch I ate, I grew immensely as a human being. Being so far away from everyone that I loved, and everything that I knew for the past 21 years, I really had to learn to rely on the Lord (more on that in the Spiritual section) and through the journey when I was so alone, figuratively of course, I learned just about everything there is to know about myself. If I was dating me there would have been no secrets, not that I have any anways... Its all out on the table and what you see is what you get Lauren. I learned about how I form opinions and how I express those ideas and feelings, I learned how to recognize my feelings, especially when they were intense and foreign, I learned how to tackle adversity even if it wasn't directly happening to me, I learned how to love people I didn't know and to let people love me, I learned that people in this world have so much to offer me...I need to let more people into my life. I feel like I've been so selfish with the level of comfort that I have felt with my best friends for all these years. I love them so much and I have learned so much from them and laughed more than I can say, but there are people so different from me that I can learn from and love and laugh with just as much and I appreciate that, and those who I learned that from [shout out to Cass, Nat, and Jackie...along with all my Ghanaian peeps]. I have never been afraid to just be myself and sometimes that has not been the best because I get in trouble at times for having such a...well I guess Im a bit of a free spirit...and with that free spirit comes the most amazing sense of self... I guess a good summary would be just to say that all I know is that I am on my way to becoming the absolute BEST person I can be and I know that the past 3 months were an immense part of that growth.
SPIRITUAL:
This was the most fruitful and yet the most unexpected in my growth. I knew going into this adventure that I would have to rely on the Lord, and I was so excited to be in a situation where I would get to make Him my best friend in a way that I have never been able to do before, what I didn't know was just how much I could come to love Him. Honestly, I thought I had a good relationship with the Lord before, now I feel like we are "two hearts with but one beat" (Little Rascals anyone? sidenote* because I didnt have access to any movie I wanted to watch when I got to urge to watch it, my life became a permanent string of movie quotes and it has continued while I am home. There is no rhyme or reason to why certain quotes pop up when they do but boy do I make myself laugh with all the quotes I think of all day). But seriously, I have never prayed more fervently, and frequently, nor read my scriptures with a real thirst for knowledge as I did when I was in Ghana. It is sad that I never was able to do so before but without so many distractions, it is easier to focus on what is truly the most important. I am still doing really well at reading my scriptures and saying my prayers since being home but it is admitedly harder, especially not being on a schedule...it just throws you off and you find yourself filling your time with who knows what when you could be searching the scriptures and gaining the WORLDS BEST kind of knowledge. The Book of Mormon is the BEST i tell you. I love that book so much. It is certainly not weird for me to love inanimate objects for just about everything I talk to them all the time, but I seriously never realized how much I could love a book. I always felt weird when people would ask me what my favorite book was because honestly, I couldnt ever give an answer for that but now I can. It truly is the Book of Mormon. Every. Single. Word. in that book is true. All of it. I have never believed so strongly in the truthfulness of this Gospel as I do now that I have an understanding of the Book of Mormon. I've read it plenty of times before but never in the way that I read it in Africa. The stories really did come to life and there were vivid pictures in my brain about what was happening while I was reading. I took a mini Book of Mormon so that I didnt lose or have to carry around my other one and it is now one of my most beautiful treasures. I dont have a hope chest but if I had one, this would go in it. It is marked up and written all over and when I flip back through the pages I am amazed at how incredible the Gospel is and how much the Lord can teach us through scripture. If you haven't read the Book of Mormon yet with a real thirst to understand, do it. You will find the most immense dispersion of knowledge that you have ever felt before. It far outweighs everything I learned in statistics and physical science and English...college is great but man having a real, true conviction and understanding about the Gospel is just about the best knowledge a girl could ask for.
With all that I have learned, I am ready to start my next adventure...ready is a funny word really, I feel kind of like I am playing hide and seek because what I should actually be saying to myself is "ready or not, here I come". Entering my Senior year is college is NOTHING like the way I felt when I entered my senior year of high school. This is still exciting but much more daunting. There is no longer a plan after the conclusion of this year, no applications to be made for continued formal learning...that is kind of scary but I know that it will all work out. Everything will work out for good.
No comments:
Post a Comment