Sudan

I just watched a documentary on the Genocide in Darfur, Sudan. It is mind-blowing. After the Holocaust and the Genocide in Rwanda you would think that the world would want to stop these atrocities from happening again and again, but they do happen and they won't stop unless we really make a change. I don't know how to do that but I surely want to try. I just can't believe that a person can have such a disregard for human life as is the case during these apartheid's and issues of ethnic cleansing which result is mass killings.

Women and children are still suffereing everyday because they are victims of mass rape and suffer from AIDS and the horror of the memory of the injustice that was thrust upon them because of their race. The few evil people who influence thousands and turn good people into murderers and thieves make this world seem like such an awful place sometimes. These women and children, these people are the reason why we need to be aware.

A Single Step

How significant is a step; one single step? We can't know what lies ahead in any journey unless we take that first step into the unknown. That first leap of faith is the one thing that determines the success of your journey for one cannot hope to succeed without taking a chance and believing in change. I want to make a change. I want to take that first step into the dark to come out with light and understanding on the other side. The things that I can learn and do in Africa will pave the way for the work that I am to do here on earth. I have a purpose and I am ready to take that first step.

PEACE

peace is a feeling which I really thrive off of. I need it when I am feeling down and when i feel unsettled. I cannot see how many Africans throughout history could have felt same sense of peace with all the madness which surrounded them. "The African knows no peace." -Lord Frederick Lugard, a British imperial officer, subjugator and ruler from Uganda to Nigeria, wrote at the turn of the twentieth century. "One day you may see peace and plenty, well-tilled fields, and children playing in the sun; on the next you may find the corpses of the men, the bodies of the children half burnt in the flames which consumed the village, while the women are captives of the victorious raiders..." (pg. 96 In the Land of Magic Soldiers). I can never finish these books nor can I fully comprehend them because there are so many horrible things that happened and are even still happening during civil wars or genocides and it makes me want to throw up and i cannot continue to read. How can a country be filled with so much division and hatred that it leads its people to do horrible things to one another. I will never understand that. ever. Thank goodness I will be going to Ghana (hopefully) where there is stability and less history of violence and corruption. It is so hard to imagine living in such constant fear...makes me grateful for the life I have been fortunate enough to lead so far. My trials are nothing compared to those many others face and I am so grateful for the peace I have been able to find in my life.

Waiting...

Well for now I am still waiting. Also, the last of my best friends left me for the summer. Everyone has to go do their own thing eventually but I just don't like feeling as if I have no one left to confide in. That really isn't the case, I know that I will make new friends and I do have some very close friends left here, including Chad though he is gone for the next few weeks. I guess that is why I feel somewhat lonely. I am not actually lonely though and I am certainly never alone. Dance camps takes up a lot of my time and even after work I am virtually never home but there are those moments where I just want to be with my family and those very best friends of mine. This Spring/Summer has already started to prepare me for Ghana without even knowing it. Coping with loneliness and homesickness is something that I will really have to overcome in Ghana because at least here, I am a phone call or a skype date away from voices and faces. In Ghana that will not be the case. I am getting a little nervous as I sit here and write this though because my application still just says COMPLETE but that is not what I care to see whenever I look at it. I want to see the word ACCEPTED so I can get rid of my anxiety over the matter. I know that the Lord will guide me wherever I am supposed to go, whenever I am supposed to go so if it is not the time that I am planning I just have to trust that He has a plan for me and knows when I am supposed to go. Even so, it is still very nerve racking. 90 days in a foreign country...I have never even been to the East Coast. The farthest I have been from home was Hawaii but that was with best friends and family, and duh its Hawaii. I am sure I will be equally excited for Africa but it is way different this time. I cannot even imagine how Maddie is feeling because she got the OK to go on her mission in December. That is basically 6 months early. I am already nervous about being away without the comforts of home for 3 months let alone 18. Maybe going to Africa and learning how to help people is my mission in life but who knows. I could very well end up going on one myself. The scary thing is, I could go in less than a year....just 10 months until I turn 21. Granted, I want to go to Africa for my field study first but what if that is not in the plan for me? I would leave on my mission around the same time as the Field Study departs anyway. What if that is in my future? Thinking about all this uncertainty makes me dizzy, it may be because of the lack of food in my body right now but who knows. I am learning to trust in God and understand that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

processing...

I finished the last step of my application yesterday. I had my resume on my laptop at home and I always work on it while Im at work so it took forever to actually remember to do it at home but it is finally done. Also the payment took forever to be processed but I just checked my application status and it says COMPLETE. That means that I will know for sure if I am accepted into the program soon which is just another step toward my adventure. For now I feel like I am on standby mode, a little like this...

SHOWERS

                          




   VS
    

 

 Last night I realized that while in Ghana I may not be able to shower for a week at a time. Now, I am not particularly high maintenance nor do I not enjoy getting dirty because I love hiking and camping and playing sports, being outdoors is one of the things I really enjoy so why do I dread the thought of not showering for days at a time? I shower every night before I go to bed. It doesn't matter if I showered earlier that day, I have to shower every night before I go to bed. Its not so much about the cleanliness but more it is my time everyday where my mind goes blank and I can relax for just a short amount of time in order to clear my head and reflect on the happenings of the day. It is a time where I can be completely alone with no distractions and the hot temperature relaxes the muscles in my back which is a great relief after a long day (we will get to my back pain later). I just really love taking a hot shower at the end of my day, that is one thing I will surely miss!

A Torn Nation

I am currently reading a book called A Continent For the Taking: The Tragedy and Hope of Africa by Howard W. French. I have been reading it very sporadically so it is hard to remember how each thing builds one off of another but I have realized that Africa is one of the most messed up countries in the WORLD! There are so many things that I read which I cannot even imagine going through. I literally get sick to my stomach and want to throw up most of the time because of all the horrible things that I read. The stories of genocides, warlords and child soldiers are some of the most disturbing things I have ever read. Yet I cannot wait to get over there and see all the good I can do in this world. I really do not know why my particular interest sparked with Africa but it is there and I want to go so badly to experience it all.