Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Mormon feminist...

The Mormon feminist argument...what does it come down to?

I have been reading some discussions from Mormon feminists about Ordaining women to the Priesthood and women being able to wear pants to church and other things like that...I'm no expert but these are my thoughts. I feel like I am a pretty Orthodox member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints yet I have trained my mind to be open and subjective through my studies in anthropology. The root argument behind these things and others is for gender equality. I spent 3 months last summer in Ghana, West Africa studying gender roles and to these women who believe they are entitled to the priesthood, arguing that they want to exercise equal authority as worthy men, I say that without separate gender roles, our social structure would cease to exist (in the world, but also in the church). This issue is not about men and women being unequal, its about your role as a woman and his role as a man. We are separate but equal, and being separate, we must be willing to fulfill separate roles. Argue what you may but our role as women is beautiful and important yet ultimately so different from the role of a man, women are beautiful and strong and kind and nurturing and gentle, we can enjoy the blessings of the priesthood as men do but we must seek them out through worthy priesthood holders in our lives, having faith that we can receive. The Lord does not withhold blessings because we do not directly hold the priesthood authority. We receive the same promises that men receive when we are faithful, maybe I don't understand their argument clearly so I apologize for my ignorance in that regard, but I am a mouthpiece for the Lord just as men are and I am just as important to the Lord as they are, I can administer and teach just as they can. My faith is just as strong and I am just as important within the structure and the administration of the church. I know this because I know that the Lord keeps his promises. The Family: A Proclamation to the World clearly defines the roles of a man and woman saying:

 "The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

 The greatest gift of all is eternal life D &C 14:7 and if I endure to the end I will be exalted on High with my husband and I can enjoy the blessings of his priesthood now and when we become like our Father, creating our own worlds. When you get married you become one with your spouse and one with God, by extension you are enjoying the priesthood just as readily as your husband is, or even outside of a marriage you can enjoy the priesthood through brothers, friends, fathers, grandfathers, bishops, home teachers...it all has a purpose. Christ's church is perfect. The people might not be, but the doctrine is. It is founded on principles and teachings that came straight from the Father, principles that have been the same since the beginning of time, principles that have been restored to us in the latter day through a prophet, Joseph Smith... principles that are sent to help us to return to live with Him again. He has a divine plan. We may not understand that plan now and we certainly won't understand it in a few days or even years, but He does have a plan and that plan is perfect. He made man and woman separate for a reason and He gave them separate responsibilities so as to provide the necessary balance needed for harmony in His kingdom. 

I agree that women have been marginalized for ages, and in many places around the world, they still are, even here in the United States. As we have been steadily fighting for rights throughout history we have often gotten them. Yes there is a ways to go, but true feelings of equality come in your own beliefs, in your own views of the divinity of women and our role here on earth. Men and women act as equal partners, but that does not mean that they hold the same responsibilities, they cannot if there is to be a balance in all things. To me it comes down to the doctrine and the principles of the Gospel. I believe that Jesus Christ is the head of this church and that Thomas S. Monson, his counselors, and the 12 Apostles are His special witnesses and they speak to us through Him. If there came a time when He wanted women to hold the priesthood keys so they could exercise the same authority that worthy men could, don't you think He would tell us through our prophet? I believe in modern day revelation, and I believe in our prophet. And if I am to believe those things, I believe that change in fundamental doctrines of the church will not come from lobbying. They will come directly from the mouthpiece of the Lord. 

At the end of the day I believe that our mission is greater than our roles, we all must work together to preach the Gospel to all nations and peoples, but we can't let things such as taking offense to things people say, or to the restrictions one may feel they are constrained by, get in the way of that mission. We must be advocates for truth. We must act in a way that will allow others to know Jesus Christ through us, we must believe in His church and in His leaders, we must KNOW Him, I mean really know Him so that we can better understand the roles He would have us play on this earth in order to further His kingdom on the earth and in heaven. He loves us, every single one of us, regardless of race, religion or gender. Believe in Him. That is all you need to do. If you do I promise you will one day know the reasons for the special organization of His church and I promise that you will find peace in your testimony because He will not leave you comfortless.

All the world's a stage...

     One of the most beautiful sights to me these days is the American flag waving in the wind. Big or small I marvel at the beauty of this symbol of freedom. It helps that the snowcapped mountains are ususually in the background, I admit, Utah is so beautiful. It has given me a lot of time to reminisce on the beautiful life I lead with the freedom and the opportunity that I enjoy. Sure there is a lot going on in politics these days that is frustrating to say the least, yet I still love America and I am still free from many of the cares of the world... that I am grateful for.
This time last year I was still getting over the shock of living in a new world, a place that I love so dearly, my Ghana. Anxious as it makes me now to think about going back to the challenges I faced there, I love that place. My heart aches for it sometimes and I wish more than anything that I could speak with the people that I came to know and love so much. I have noticed that I am still having a much harder time with reverse culture shock now than I was when I first got back or even in these past few months... I find myself being upset about something and then thinking about how insignificant my worries are compared to some of those which others in this world deal with every single day. I live my life and my life is a piece of cake, I really do live in the promised land and it leaves me feeling guilty for the ease at which I am able to live out my days sometimes. I know that it shouldn't because I was placed here at this time, in this place for a purpose and I have faith in that... I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for ME, that He knows me better than I know myself and that He knows my purpose, my mission here on earth, but sometimes it is hard. It is hard to have faith in the future, it is hard to hope for something better when something good has been taken away, it is hard to go through trials with a positive attitude, keeping in perspective that it is a refining experience, one which will allow me to grow stronger and more faithful. But it is also hard to not empathize with those humans who live under harsh circumstances with more unknowns to face in a single day than I am facing right now as I try to plan out my next few months. Today last year I was just venturing into Kumasi for the first time, experiencing a tro tro for the first time, seeing things that I had never seen before and again learning to make my own way, to be confident in a new place, and to deal with international issues. It is crazy to think that I was in Africa a year ago and now, because of that experience, I have a Bachelors degree from BYU and no idea where it will take me. It is a bit scary but SO exciting...the world is my stage!!

Like Shakespeare says, "one man in his time plays many parts". I know that I have played many parts thus far and that I have many more parts to play during my existence on this earth and that is so exciting. Exciting to be a part of a greater plan. Exciting to know that as long as I am faithful and stay close to the Spirit, I can be guided along the path that has been set out for me. I love having that knowledge. It helps me to stay strong, to stay faithful, and to stay hopeful in the future, knowing that I can and will find so much joy in the journey and in the destination. I could not enjoy the attitude that I do without the Gospel, of that I am sure. I would be lost without it. Trials only strengthen me and give me a greater resolve to stay close to the Savior and to my Heavenly Father so that I can be happy on this earth. Even though I do not see what is up ahead, the Lord does, and He will be there to hold my hand every step of the way if I let Him. For that, I am not afraid.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

a different rhythm in this thing called life...

My heart has been aching for Ghana these past few days. Aching for the simplicity, aching for the love, aching for the sense of self found there, aching for the adventure and the experiences... aching for the life. Being back in America is a beautiful thing but as I reminisce and ponder about those long, hot days, I cant help but smile at all the challenges that contributed largely to the human being that I am today, who I am right now...it has left a handprint on my heart...
Ghana helped me to learn about hope. Hope, to me, is a feeling, sometimes even a force that allows my mind to keep thinking, my feet to keep walking, my faith to keep growing, and my face to keep smiling. The rhythm of life in America is so different from the rhythm of life in Africa, in South America, in Europe, in any other country in this big world. I am not meant for the long term African rhythm, there was a reason that I was born in America and why I call this place home, but I cant help but feel so much love for my Ghana and the experiences I was blessed with there. Since being home so many people have asked me if I am ever going to go back and I always think about it for a second but the truth is that I probably won't. The tug on my heart makes me want to go back for a week or so sometimes, but honestly I feel like I got everything I could out of that experience and I want to learn more, to do more, to see more. There are so many opportunities in this world to be good, to do good, and to see good, and I want to be a part of all of it. Many times I wake up and wonder what good I am going to do, what good I can do... simple thought is the first step but it is action that puts things into motion. That hope which compels me to keep moving forward each day gives me the drive to see more and to love more. To act more.

I have read and heard blogs, articles, and comments from people who critisize others who go places and do things. No matter if it is a "privileged" white American going to Africa to help build homes or schools or wells or whatever; no matter if it is a "poor" white American who has raised the money themselves and funded their own trip because they wanted to get out and do something; whether it is an African American, an African, a Mexican, an Austrian, a Guatemalan, a Jamaican, a Muslim, a Christian, a Catholic, whatever...why do people feel the need to criticize someone who wants to get out and "do something"? Not to throw criticism back but those criticising are usually those who are sitting there wishing they had the courage to get out and do, yet they dont have the strength to act, so they sit and criticise instead. I dont care how underprivileged they feel they are, how they might feel that they have gotten the short end of the stick in life or whatever the circumstance may be... this life is filled with adversity, some may think that they lead a harder life but we all face challenges, no one gets away from them. They are just different for everyone. Some may think that is a silly statement coming from someone like me who has grown up in middle class America where my needs were always met and where I have lived most of my life feeling safe and loved, but I know people who have grown up in far worse circumstances who have turned around and done something. I know we can't always control our circumstances but we can control our attitudes (easier said than done, yes I know, but true nonetheless). Anyone can take those challenges and either let them destroy them or they can make them stronger. I choose the latter and I only wish I could inspire more people to do so too.And I know that I am not alone in that. People have an innate desire to serve one another, to love one another, and I wish that this silly world didn't feel reason to tear each other down so much.

In light of the recent attacks on the US Embassy's I have become much more politically aware and have been reading news sources off the chain this week because I am just so intrigued by our wicked world...but because of that, can't we all just be happy for those who want to be good and who want to do good? As I am studying human nature in my major it never ceases to amaze me how wonderful, beautiful, loving, and kind humans are and yet at the same time how critical, demeaning, judgemental, and jealous we are. I am in no way taking myself out of these categories because I have certainly had my weak moments but listening to Elder Holland's CES Fireside the other day really made me think. When we are fighting against so many things in this world, why is it that the thing we fight against most is one another. The Black Eyed Peas were not too far off when they sang Where Is The Love. The example Elder Holland gave in his talk of the boy who came back and played his previous basketball team only to be met with 'boos' and profanities broke my heart. Especially being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I know that it hurts me most when someone of my own faith, who claims to be striving every day to be a disciple of Christ, says and does things that are meaner and cut deeper than those in my experience who may not even be Christians. I guess all I am trying to say is that I want to be better, I want to love more and see everyone as a child of God and I just wish that everyone in the world could do so too. If we could see each other as God sees us, there would be no hatred, and no violence. Yet I know that there must be opposition in all things and where there is good there must be bad also. I just pray that those who are on the Lord's side can continue to strive to be those who are doing good and being good. To be those who act and serve and love. All you need is love after all...and I guess a little humility won't hurt either.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

lets go.

I cried for maybe the first time today because I miss my bests. I'm feeling so overwhelmed about everything and not having them here is so weird. My whole college experience thus far has included Maddie and Erica by my side all the time, every time. Not now though. They are off in the European lands serving the Lord which I love and I know they are the happiest girls in the world so its okay that they are gone but BOY do I miss them. A lot. As I sit here with the van packed up all ready to move my life back to Provo its just a bit different than its ever been before. I knew all this but it is just strange as the time goes by to actually experience everything I have been anticipating for so long. Its especially different this time too because my sister and her boys are moving to Chicago so coming home here on out will even be different. No more nephews, no more sister and bro in law for the laughs, I love the rest of my family loads but it will just be incomplete coming home now. Thankfully I still have next Fall because fall time is the best time so I don't have to say goodbye to BYU just yet after this year but I just feel like I can't even express the way this feels. So excited, yet nervous at the same time. Its just going to be different. so different.

Like I said before though, ready or not here I come. Lets go.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

the adventure has just begun...


So I've been in the Americas for about 3 weeks now though it feels like I never left. Africa seems like a bit of a dream, I know that 3 months compared to 21 years is not much at all but I guess I kinda felt like it would have changed my brain in a different way than it did in that I would have felt like Africa was my world, yet America is and I think I always knew that and even though a piece of my heart belongs to Africa...a bigger chunk belongs here. I love the food, I love my family, I love my friends, I love California and my home, I love the summers...I just love America I tell ya, it really is a blessing to be born and raised in the land of the free. Opportunities unmeasured. Its not without its flaws but it is a great country. Let me just lay out a few of the things that I have learned from this whole experience, in no particular order...

ACADEMIC and CAREER:
    Before going to Ghana I had plans to conduct my research, go back to BYU to graduate in April, take a year off to work and apply to the dual Masters program at Boston University in Medical Anthropology and Cross-Cultural Solutions, and then go from there. Turns out conducting Anthropological research is very difficult and while I loved the actual research and data collection aspect, what I did not love was the hours and hours of analyzing and write ups. My hands would cramp up and my palms would fall asleep from sitting against my laptop while I typed for hours on end. Props to all you writers out there...its hard work. Silly as that seems, I simply have no desire to do that again. Yes I am a champion typer now. Just ask me how many words per minute I can type now...I would be the best Secretary any business could ask for. Graduate level research would just magnify time spent analyzing and typing and call my crazy but I did not love the hours and hours I had to dedicate to sitting down while I typed away endless notes about my goings on throughout the day as I analyzed every minute of it. It kind of makes you stop living in the world because you are so obsessed with seeing and analyzing it that you cant simply experience it. Turns out, that is not my favorite way to live. Im more of a fly by the seat of your pants kinda girl. I like to take life as it comes and combat whatever ninjas or pirates or monsters come my way...not only that but the daisies and the sunshine and the dancing through life is not so bad either. Give me mountains to climb and heck I will climb them. Just dont make me analyze every second of every day to try to come up for reasons why humans do what they do. Anthropology is great, so interesting, and it has strengthened my testimony of human beings and the human existence for sure...I just am not fond of the idea of doing it all again. Now all that is not the only reason for my change in plans but it certainly is a contributing factor. Sorry Anthropology, I love you, but not enough. I will continue to pursue a Bachelor's degree in Sociocultural Anthropology for now, though I may not graduate in April since I am no longer in a rush. From graduation on I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do but to be honest, I dont think I am one of those women destined for a career. I love working, being independent, and supporting myself, but supporting a family is not one of those things that has always been on my list. Cliche as it may seem in this day and age, I just want to be a mother. It is my divine calling in life after all and I think it is a beautiful one at that. I have never had the desire so strongly as I do now. Be it because of those adorable African children that I cannot stop thinking about or what have you...being a stay at home mom and getting to see every step of my children's lives as they grow seems about the greatest job a woman like me could ever hope to be qualified for.

PERSONAL:
    Now besides the growth that I've seen in my stomach from all the starch I ate, I grew immensely as a human being. Being so far away from everyone that I loved, and everything that I knew for the past 21 years, I really had to learn to rely on the Lord (more on that in the Spiritual section) and through the journey when I was so alone, figuratively of course, I learned just about everything there is to know about myself. If I was dating me there would have been no secrets, not that I have any anways... Its all out on the table and what you see is what you get Lauren. I learned about how I form opinions and how I express those ideas and feelings, I learned how to recognize my feelings, especially when they were intense and foreign, I learned how to tackle adversity even if it wasn't directly happening to me, I learned how to love people I didn't know and to let people love me, I learned that people in this world have so much to offer me...I need to let more people into my life. I feel like I've been so selfish with the level of comfort that I have felt with my best friends for all these years. I love them so much and I have learned so much from them and laughed more than I can say, but there are people so different from me that I can learn from and love and laugh with just as much and I appreciate that, and those who I learned that from [shout out to Cass, Nat, and Jackie...along with all my Ghanaian peeps]. I have never been afraid to just be myself and sometimes that has not been the best because I get in trouble at times for having such a...well I guess Im a bit of a free spirit...and with that free spirit comes the most amazing sense of self... I guess a good summary would be just to say that all I know is that I am on my way to becoming the absolute BEST person I can be and I know that the past 3 months were an immense part of that growth.

SPIRITUAL:
    This was the most fruitful and yet the most unexpected in my growth. I knew going into this adventure that I would have to rely on the Lord, and I was so excited to be in a situation where I would get to make Him my best friend in a way that I have never been able to do before, what I didn't know was just how much I could come to love Him. Honestly, I thought I had a good relationship with the Lord before, now I feel like we are "two hearts with but one beat" (Little Rascals anyone? sidenote* because I didnt have access to any movie I wanted to watch when I got to urge to watch it, my life became a permanent string of movie quotes and it has continued while I am home. There is no rhyme or reason to why certain quotes pop up when they do but boy do I make myself laugh with all the quotes I think of all day). But seriously, I have never prayed more fervently, and frequently, nor read my scriptures with a real thirst for knowledge as I did when I was in Ghana. It is sad that I never was able to do so before but without so many distractions, it is easier to focus on what is truly the most important. I am still doing really well at reading my scriptures and saying my prayers since being home but it is admitedly harder, especially not being on a schedule...it just throws you off and you find yourself filling your time with who knows what when you could be searching the scriptures and gaining the WORLDS BEST kind of knowledge. The Book of Mormon is the BEST i tell you. I love that book so much. It is certainly not weird for me to love inanimate objects for just about everything I talk to them all the time, but I seriously never realized how much I could love a book. I always felt weird when people would ask me what my favorite book was because honestly, I couldnt ever give an answer for that but now I can. It truly is the Book of Mormon. Every. Single. Word. in that book is true. All of it. I have never believed so strongly in the truthfulness of this Gospel as I do now that I have an understanding of the Book of Mormon. I've read it plenty of times before but never in the way that I read it in Africa. The stories really did come to life and there were vivid pictures in my brain about what was happening while I was reading. I took a mini Book of Mormon so that I didnt lose or have to carry around my other one and it is now one of my most beautiful treasures. I dont have a hope chest but if I had one, this would go in it. It is marked up and written all over and when I flip back through the pages I am amazed at how incredible the Gospel is and how much the Lord can teach us through scripture. If you haven't read the Book of Mormon yet with a real thirst to understand, do it. You will find the most immense dispersion of knowledge that you have ever felt before. It far outweighs everything I learned in statistics and physical science and English...college is great but man having a real, true conviction and understanding about the Gospel is just about the best knowledge a girl could ask for.

With all that I have learned, I am ready to start my next adventure...ready is a funny word really, I feel kind of like I am playing hide and seek because what I should actually be saying to myself is "ready or not, here I come". Entering my Senior year is college is NOTHING like the way I felt when I entered my senior year of high school. This is still exciting but much more daunting. There is no longer a plan after the conclusion of this year, no applications to be made for continued formal learning...that is kind of scary but I know that it will all work out. Everything will work out for good.


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

my last few weeks in Ghana...

I'm skipping the last few weeks journal posts because they are just too long and I am sure you have all had enough of my novels but I will say that the last week was a bit of a struggle. Hard as I tried to not get trunky, it is very difficult especially when research is complete and you are just hanging out in Ghana...surprisingly there is absolutely nothing to do aside from the entertainment you make for yourself when you no longer have a purpose in being there but we found adventures and did school and kept ourselves busy and laughing so it was still great. Some highlights are as follows:

1. dinnertime. no table, no utencils...dig in

 2. pounding palm nuts for their oil...hard work i tell ya
 3. my favorite pals...yep I wore the same shirt 3 times that last week. I love Ghana
 4. some of the hospital staff...Jackie and I are wearing outfits that were given to us as a gift. 
 5. SWIMMING!!!! best ever, at a hotel in Kumasi (in the city)
 6. Cassie and Kofi walking down to the Wiamoase house
 7. coolest grasshopper I've ever seen
 8. Just weeding at the farm. machetes for life
 8. Primary children!
 9. Some members of our branch...last Sunday at church
Lets just say it was the perfect conclusion to the perfect summer. Perfect is a word I use very loosely here yet I know that it was perfect for me. I love you Ghana. I always will.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Week 11: the home stretch


Well, this is my last post coming from Ghanaian soil and I am excited and sad at the same time. This internet cafe has been quite the experience in and of itself so I will miss it, I will miss it all really but the next two weeks will be an adventure of their own. Thank you for following my journey here in good old Ghana. I will be expecting a warm welcome back in the states, after a shower of course. 

July 10, 2012
I’ve got to stop planning time for transcribing interviews because every time I do, the light goes out. I decided to go to the hospital today though so that I could finish my things for the internet café since they always run on a generator if the light is out so I was able to get stuff done. It was funny though because everyone who came in had to ask about what I was doing and watched me type because they a) don’t usually have their own laptops and b) cannot type nearly as fast as I can. They being the nurses and hospital workers who came in and out of the MCH for the 2 hours I was in there typing. The women come by probably once a week selling jewelry and clothes and such and today when we were getting ready to leave Jackie came over and handed me a pair of earrings. Sister Felicia had bought us both matching bling blingin earrings. They are great. I put them in before we left so she could see and I know that I looked hilarious with my v neck, cloth skirt, chacos, and these big shiny earrings. They love the jewelry here I tell ya, and it sure is bedazzling. Like seriously, sometimes I think I could have made it myself. I love African fashion. I have probably lost my American eyes for style so I hope that I am able to remember how to dress when I get home. We headed into Agona around 12:30 to meet the girls for lunch, market, and café. We had fried rice from our favorite lady for the last time and we headed to the Gentle Spot to see Nana and Joyce, we missed Ivan and Unis and Prince though. I hope I get to see them again before I leave. The internet café is usually full of Senior High school boys and we have to fight our way to the Ethernet cords but I just hide in my own little world when I am there and that 2 hours is like therapy. Reading my family and friends emails is such a beautiful thing and I almost always end up in tears for one reason or another. I love my family I tell ya. I wish every single human on this earth understood that they can be together forever with their families. After an hour at the café the network went out. We waited for about 45 minutes but it didn’t come back so we just headed home for the day because we still had to go get food in the market. We realized that it was the last real market day because next week we wont be getting much seeing as we will only be there til Friday. I’ve still been so so itchy still and I am trying so hard to focus on learning that patience and understanding so hopefully it will get better soon. I worked out real good tonight because I haven’t in quite awhile because ive been trying to figure out ways to do aerobic workout without jogging but I just cant. I did a ton of abs though and turns out it is not that easy to do on a wooden bench, it kinda hurts. Not the burnin muscle kinda hurt but more like the bruising spine kinda feel. If that is the least I have to endure though, endure it I will, my abs will thank me after having a summer diet filled with starch, starch, and more starch.

July 11, 2012
I had spent some few hours transcribing this morning before going back to Agona for the internet café. Jackie had gone earlier to do an interview and I had no way of knowing whether or not she would be there at the time but luckily I timed it right and she and Cassie were both there when I arrived. I left the house with just enough to take the taxi there and back and pay for an hour at the café. Now, on this day, I officially have 15 pesewas to my name. It feels so weird to literally not be able to buy anything. I don’t have time to go back to Kumasi to get more money out at the bank and there were unexpected costs that I did not account for last time I took out money so I am certainly experiencing living below the poverty line of less than a dollar a day. I don’t quite know what I am going to do yet. When we returned from Agona I had some interviews planned but people did not arrive for a few hours so I just hung out in the MCH with all my pals and did some planning with interview questions. Im really enjoying interviews and I feel silly for being so intimidated by them before. I interviewed one of the pharmacy assistants and he showed me all the different malaria medicines carried by the hospital and we talked about their dosages and which is most popular and such. It was great and I can’t believe I hadn’t done that before now. After the interview we just talked about Ghana for awhile and the conversation always goes back to the local food and then I start to think about all the food that I miss so much. After him I interviewed one of the male nurses who works in the surgeries. The theater, what they call the surgery ward in the hospital, is kind of off limits for anyone that doesn’t belong but I am pretty much allowed anywhere in the hospital so its fun to go in there. I don’t regret not watching a surgery though, that would have been kinda crazy. Although after writing that, I kind of wish I could. Id probably pass out, maybe its best that I don’t. I don’t know. Anyway, the interview went well but it was kind of hard at the same time because this particular nurse is one of our pals and I don’t think he was really taking it seriously so I don’t know how reliable the information he was giving me is, but that is a risk that is taken with every interview really. You never know if the informant is telling you how it actually is, or if they are just telling you what they think you want to hear. Nonetheless, data is data and those things will all be accounted for in my research. Our friend Derek walked us home when we were leaving the hospital today and told me congratulations on my engagement, I was surprised because I did not know that anyone had proposed but apparently there is a rumor that said nurse who I had just interviewed, and I are to be married. It is a rumor going around among the nurses because I am tall and he is also very tall so clearly we are a perfect match. I told Derek that if he wants to follow me back to America and they all want to come to the wedding then I’m in. There were some kids playing ping pong next to the market on the way so i jumped in. it was so hard to play how they were but man i love this game...
When we walked through the gates at home I saw the most precious baby girl in the entire world. Seriously, she was perfect. She had the most infectious smile and had little poof ball pony tails all over her head and was wearing these cute little over alls and was not afraid of me…it was great. Jackie and I played with her for awhile and then I watched another Mexican soap opera with Abena…im loving these soaps, they are hysterical! We wanted to watch a movie tonight with Mama and King too so we got as comfortable as is possible here and snuggled in the sitting room and I realized that one reason I love movies so much is because of the soundtracks. Some movies have the worlds best songs and it makes such a big difference in the movie. So good. At the café today I was reading my professors email and she is really worried about my rash, me too. She said that I should move as soon as possible but I fear that I cannot leave Mama earlier than I already am. Jackie told Mama that we are leaving next Friday and she was already upset at that so I don’t think I can leave any earlier. I can handle the rash for one more week, heaven knows I have been dealing with it for over a month already so its nothing.

July 12, 2012
This morning when we arrived at work Sister Felicia got out some fabric and said that they were going to take it to the seamstress and make Jackie and I something. There were 3 fabrics on the table but the one she was holding was both of our least favorite. I think she could tell because she said we could choose out of the three and the one Jackie and I liked best because it looked most African to us, turned out to be sweet. We opened it up to see the pattern more fully and it ended up having the African map on it. We walked down to Sister Felicia’s seamstress and chose the style we wanted and the seamstress took our measurements. I am super excited, I think they are going to turn out very well. I don’t know that I will ever wear it at home but it will be fun to have for sure. And maybe I will wear it, who knows. There was no pharmaceutical presentation today after the clinical meeting which makes me sad because I love those, they always bring yummy treats. I was going to do some observation with DK today and set up an interview with him next week but he was in Theater all morning. Hopefully I can do it tomorrow because I really want to get an interview with him and DS as well before I leave. Only one more week with the people at the hospital!! Blows my mind. I left the hospital since I had nothing left to do there and I went to talk to people in town. I went to the Chemical Seller first which is just like a mini drug store and I talked with this woman, who is my favorite because she is so beautiful, but anyway we talked for like 30 minutes and she showed me all the anti-malaria medicine that she carried and we discussed prices and popularity and such. I was proud of myself and her for the communication we were able to afford with her broken English and my broken Twi. It was so fun. When I was leaving her for the day she was talking after me to “learn hard and work hard” then was cheering saying “Doctor Akua” I was laughing and just played along because I did not want to explain to her how different Medical Anthropology is from being a Doctor. I could have never made it through Medical school, unless of course I wanted to be a Doctor, then I totally could have done it. I went and sat with Linda and her sister on the street (the donut girls) for a few hours and in that time I was able to talk to a lot of people and get some great informal interviews for my research. One woman who was talking with Linda about me, well most often people talk to Linda about me before actually talking to me and half the time they are just laughing hysterically and I have no idea whats going on but, when Linda elaborates to me it is usually the strangest things. Like this woman was asking me if my mother gave birth to me naturally, why? I have no idea, I said yes and then she started asking if a cutlass (machete) was used to open my mothers belly like a c-section…I don’t know how that question comes out of me saying that yes, my mother did in fact birth me but many people have strange ideas here so I was not entirely that surprised. I got out a picture of my family and explained that I had 7 siblings. A few minutes later the woman brought me a picture of her with 4 BYU students from years ago. She showed me another picture that was of the branch here in Asamang. I asked her why I had not seen her at church before and Linda just laughed. I told her that I expected to see her there on Sunday because she claims to be a member of the church. Though we could not communicate anything else, she understood this and said that she would come to church on Sunday but who knows if she actually will. One woman who came to buy food was speaking to me in really good English and had the sweetest baby boy on her back so I was just dying and she said that she wanted to come to my church sometime with me. I also invited her this Sunday saying that it is probably my last Sunday here and she agreed that she would come to. It would be so cool if they actually came and though I am not betting on it, it felt cool to talk about the church for a few minutes and invited people to join me. At this time, a crowd had gathered as it usually does and people were passing the picture around and asking all sorts of questions. It was funny times. As I sat there I got a free people donut and a skewer with mystery meat bought for me, it actually tasted really good but I was scared as to what exactly I was eating since I had no idea and when I asked they were calling it something that sounded like ‘beans’. It was clearly not beans so I just ate it. I stayed with them chatting until Jackie came home from work and I walked the rest of the way with her. While writing up my field notes for the day Jackie came and got me saying that my package had finally come. I was surprised that it had ever come at all because it was received at the same time as Jackies and hers came weeks ago.
 It was fun to open it and considering the amount of Clif Bars my mom sent me to last for the duration (she sent it on June 4, supposed to arrive 8-10 days later), I now have more Clif Bars than I have days here. But it will be great for travel because then I wont have to spend any money on food and can just live off of those for a few days. And the worlds best…Peanut Butter and gum!! Such beautiful and welcome delights. I am so so happy. I could live off peanut butter, gum and clif bars for the rest of my time here and be happy. Which is good considering I can’t buy anything with 15 pesewas, its like the equivalent of 7 cents. I finished my notes and talked with Mama and Jackie while Mama prepared our bean stew and then did my scripture reading for the day. We are nearing the end of Ether and will complete the Book of Mormon on Sunday. I am excited to end on a Sunday because it will be that much cooler to complete it and exercise Moroni’s promise. I know this book is true, so true. After dinner we went over to Linda’s house and played with all the kids. I love how most of my best friends here are under the age of 15. I also realized how much I miss going out with my friends at night. I have not really missed it this whole summer except for the night in Cape Coast where we partied hard because I actually felt like a college student, I am excited to be a college student once again. 
They have a board here kind of like a mancala board on which a variety of games are played and we played game after game after game until it got dark and it was more fun just to see everyone’s reaction when we understood the game and would win that it even was just to play the game. I love this big family, I just want to go hang out with the kids all the time they are so funny and so happy. It is times like these where I wish I had known them for the whole 3 months because now we only have a week left and we barely got to know them; but I am grateful for the time that I do have, that is enough. When we got home Mama asked if we had seen King because she had sent him out looking for us. It was only 7:22 but since it was completely dark and we had not taken our phone, she was worried. She doesn’t like it when we aren’t home.

July 13, 2012
This morning we woke up early and joined the members of the branch in cleaning the church. I was way excited since my idea to put together a service project never really panned out. When I tried to talk with the Branch President about it everything somehow got lost in translation and we somehow started talking about herbal medicine, so this felt great. The new Mission President for the Kumasi mission is supposed to be visiting our branch tomorrow so the members wanted the building to be in tip top shape. Jackie and I were put on shutter duty. Keep in mind that we live in the midst of dirt, dirt, and more dirt…I never knew a rag could get so black. It was sick, not to mention the millions of dead bugs…So the windows in the church go from about 1/3 of the way up the wall and reach to the top. This is no low ceiling either. They are glass panes that open and close shutter style to let in the breeze or keep out the rain. 
I don’t know when they had been cleaned last but it was a real task. The electric piano was blasting hymns and it was so fun to sing along while we worked hard on the shutters. I was so surprised at the number of members who were already at the church when we arrived and it was so fun to see everyone working so hard to clean this building. I will never complain about cleaning the stake center on a Saturday morning again: vacuuming and wiping down the chalk boards is a piece of cake. Speaking of cake, ma, you know my best cake and I am craving that right now…that’s going on the list of foods I want when I get home! it’s a long list sorry…rice has just not quite been fulfilling that need for me this summer. I have the sickest pooch from all the dang starch and no matter how many sit ups I do it will not go away. Im hoping it is just water weight and rice that will drop right off the minute I get home and change my diet or else Im in trouble. I don’t know if my jeans are going to fit anymore…just kidding they will. I helped with the weighing and immunizations today and saw the prettiest babies ever. In Elder Holland’s excerpt about the church in Africa he said that African children “have to be among the most beautiful children on the face of the earth” and I totally agree. I have not been other places to compare other than America but I cannot even describe the beauty of some of these people, and especially the children. And the women just get dressed up in their best dress and were their gold and diamond jewelry and heels with their hair all done up to come to the weigh/immunization clinics and it is truly a sight to behold I tell ya. I have kind of lost motivation for collecting information for my project at this point which is completely terrible but with home looming so near it is difficult not to get trunky. It is like the few weeks before finals…its just hard. After clinic I set up interviews with the Doctors for next week and then sat with Linda for about an hour before going home. She said she wanted to take me to see some drumming later so I went home and got some stuff done and then Jackie and I went to meet up with Linda. She took us to a part of town we had never been where the fetish priestess was doing some rituals and ceremony but right when we got there she had finished because she had to go perform some healing for somebody. Apparently she does this every Friday but we were never aware of it so I am sad because I don’t know if we will get to see it, but what can you do. Honestly, besides work at the hospital and cleaning the church, today was really hard. I was fed by so many different people today and I could not refuse the food so I was just full to the brim and feeling so sick and screaming children were not on my agenda of things I wanted to hear and any time I walk anywhere people are asking me where I am going and what I am doing and why and sometimes I just get sick of it. I am sick of feeling like a foreigner, I am sick of not being able to go places without everyone having to know about it…I guess I am just fed up with the lack of privacy. I am not really a private person either, I like having lots of people around and I don’t really like to be alone but today I just wanted to trade in my skin for black skin so that I could walk around unnoticed. Also, Jackie’s dad today said that our rash is most likely from mold or even the animals we are exposed to here and just being in the mood I was in made me even more anxious to leave because having something taking over your body because of an exposure makes you feel very vulnerable. Im not one to feel vulnerable and I hardly ever allow myself to get in these moods but today was just difficult. I have to remind myself that I am human and that I don’t have to be happy and enjoying every second of every day. I am very fortunate in that I have been given this immense love for life but times like these allow me to see that good even more I think. Tomorrow will be a new day.

July 14, 2012
This morning we went to meet Brother Tewea at his house so that he could take us to his farm. I thought Cassie and Natalie were meeting us at the Catholic Church near his house so I was so confused when I saw a white person standing by the church as we passed by. I didn’t realize it was Nat for a few moments and then when I did I started laughing so hard, Im losing it man. We got to his house and sat and chatted for awhile because he still had to eat his breakfast of rice and fish, then we headed out. We walked for about 20 minutes and we reached the place where his caretaker stays. It was a mud and stick hut with palm leaves for a roof, I am really grateful I didn’t have to live in that all summer, that would have been really challenging. He grabbed his galoshes and his cutlass and brought a cutlass along for us as well and then we walked the rest of the way to his farm. It was the same road that we took when we walked to Agona so I kept looking for scorpions to scare Jackie with no luck. We took a tiny little pathway into the jungle and before too long we were at his farm. The farms are the most peaceful places ever because they are shady and have pathways through them and they are far away from humans and houses and the marketplace. I especially love cocoa farms because the trees remind me of the way I imagine the sacred grove and I just feel so happy and calm when I am walking through. He was telling us all about cocoa and we found kola nut which is what Coca Cola is made out of and we ate the cocoa fruit as we walked around, a little boy was with us, he helps out, and there were some ripe bananas atop this tree so he just cut the thing right down to get the bananas off. It was so funny because we were all walking and all of a sudden heard this big thing falling down and Jackie grabbed my backpack because she got scared and we turned around to see this tiny boy holding a cutlass after he had just hacked this tree down to get the bananas. That would never fly with a child in America…later he just started hacking at this other tree and fell it down and pulled out the root and it was cassava. It grows out as the roots of the tree, it was so cool. 

There is this one type of cocoa that is this beautiful purple/maroon color which comes from Brazil and I still just cant even imagine how people figured out that chocolate came from these things. We spent a good long while wandering around the farm and then we headed back to the caretakers place. She was smoking something on the fire and I didn’t know what it was at first but then I saw her pick up a head with horns and move it…it was the entire goat. It looked so disgusting and Cassie was dying. The woman offered us some nasty parts of the goat including bile which we politely declined, I am just not that brave when it comes to food; Its way different too to see the slaughtered animal in its entirety than to just see the cut of meat; not here, but more so at home. I don’t know how well I am going to be able to eat meat when I get home…and dairy especially. I have not had one drop of dairy since being here. Even the small amounts of milk I have found has been soy. That’s going to be a problem seeing how much I love cheese and ice cream. Especially if I have developed some type of intolerance for it. I’d trade dairy weight for this starch pooch any day. Back home we ate bean stew and rice and then watched a movie. We were all so tired so we laid down a cloth and sprawled the tiny cushions out on the floor and tried to take a nap. It was not quite a success but it was kind of fun either way. We played cards until dinner time after we woke up and were having the best time. Jackie knows how to play tons of card games so I still have never learned because she can always just explain them to us but I want to learn because it is so fun. I am so so grateful for the dynamic we created as a group this summer and I know it can be attributed to the focus that we all had on our spiritual growth but we just laugh and laugh all the time and it is so fun for us to all be together and I will have so many fond memories of Africa simply because we have been able to create them together, its the best.
  
July 15, 2012
Today was the last Sunday with our little branch here in Asamang, Ghana and boy it was a beautiful day. First of all, there were more members there than have ever been before, INCLUDING the woman I invited to church! I felt like a missionary when their investigators come to church, I was so so so excited and just kept looking at her and smiling like the whole time. She brought her mother and her children as well, her mother is the one who thinks my name is Sarah and it is so funny because she always says ‘my name’ a few times before I realize she is talking to me and I respond…oh man it was just the coolest feeling ever and I hope so so badly that they felt the Spirit. There were even enough women to hold Relief Society today which has never happened before and it was great. Elder Yamoah taught and the lesson was on agency and accountability. I kept having these great insights and shared things with the sisters which I felt were being placed in my head to directly affect those women who chose to come today. It was just the best day. Sunday school was funny too because as usual, the members got in all these disputes with one another because they get caught up on all these tiny details of the doctrine or the stories and they always look to us for clarification, it was just a great Sunday. I felt like we were really able to contribute to the learning and the understanding and the Spirit of the branch today so it was a great way to leave the branch. We took pictures with many members of the branch after church today and everyone was being so funny, it was just such a joyful occasion and I am super glad because I thought I would be sad to leave but instead I was just leaving with gratitude for what I have been blessed to learn and to experience from this branch.

We went home for lunch and then went with King to see the Fetish Priestess, once again she was not doing her normal routine because she had gone to Kumasi so we are going to see her right before we leave on Friday but we got a tour of her shrine and learned about all the different things. There was this shrine in the back that was so nasty because they do animal sacrifices and so there was just dried blood everywhere and all these freaky trinkets and a parrot in a cage that had feathers and bones all around and man it was just weird. The Fetish Priestess is so rich because a ton of people still believe in traditionalism, it is their religion and they pay her a ton of money to perform her rituals of healing and such, I’m not entirely sure about everything else that she does but I tell ya, it is so crazy that something like that still exists. Its super weird too because she says she is a Christian and believes in God except for when she is possessed by the Spirits of the Gods, summoned by drumming, and then she is a Traditionalist practicing that religion. That seems quite impossible to me but whatever. She is very respected within the community though, even among those that don’t believe in what she does. We had our last group meeting when we got home and talked a lot about re-entry into our own communities and the challenges that are going to come along with that. I have absolutely no idea how I am going to handle being back home because I have never experienced something like this and then gone back home. I think I will just be so excited to be back for the first few weeks but we will see how crazy I get about using excess electricity and water after that…I apologize in advance family. We watched a movie and then just hung out in the courtyard talking and laughing and Cassie tried to teach us how to juggle with the laundry clips, not so easy. When it got dark we walked the girls to the taxis and I don’t know why but that time is the funnest (yes, I’m aware that is not a word. Cass says it all the time so I have started to). I don’t know why but at that time we are always SO hyper and just sing and laugh and always end up scaring everyone on the street, I am quite sure they think we are nuts. My mom called on the way back so I was a happy girl and I wasn’t even sad when she couldn’t talk for that long because I realized that I get to see her in 2 weeks! Just two weeks from today, even at this time, I will be in California with my sweet family having the world’s best feast and as sad as I will be to leave this place, I am so excited to see my family and America again!
 
July 16, 2012
I finished the Book of Mormon today. I started reading on May 1 and have admittedly never read this book in such a short amount of time, and of course never in such circumstances as I am now; but let me place my name with all those who lived and died for the sake of the book and the restoration of the Gospel in saying that the Book of Mormon is true! Joseph Smith said that “a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book”. I have felt that closeness with God as I never have before through the careful study and application of this book. I have felt the pure love of Christ poured out unto me and in turn from me unto others.  Sheri Dew explains all this is such a beautiful way in her book ‘God Wants a Powerful People’ pointing out how in D&C 17:6 Jesus Christ himself testifies of the truthfulness of this blessed book saying “He (Joseph Smith) has translated the book, even that part which I have commanded him, and as your Lord and your God liveth it is true”. In this testimony, Elder Bruce R. McConkie explained, the Savior “laid his godhood on the line. Either the book is true or God ceases to be God. There neither is nor can be any more formal or powerful language known to men or gods”. For those lacking faith in the book, isn’t that proof enough? A testimony in Jesus Christ gives proof unto this book for Christ’s words are made manifest in it and they cannot be denied. I admit, Satan always allows doubt and fear to creep into my mind when I am nearing the end of Moroni but I cannot deny it. It is true as the sun shines. There is nothing in the world that I am more sure of at this moment than that the book is true. I pity anyone who cannot humble themselves enough to realize the magnitude and the beauty of the peace this book brings to ones heart and mind. It truly is a remarkable record.
On another note, today was a happy, beautiful day. So many great conversations were had and so many joys were felt. I spent awhile doing homework this morning and then went into the hospital to solidify an interview with one of the Doctors. Afterward I went into the town to talk with some women and get some more informal interviews but ended up talking to mostly men because they were there while I was talking to Linda and I ended up witting with them for 2 hours just talking. There was a boy probably a few years younger than me there at first who was being very persistent in asking me to marry him and he even got so bold as to lean in and say “I need just one kiss” I have never so joyfully rejected someone before. Of course this was not a Provo doorstep scene by any means but it was still so funny. An older man came awhile later and sat down talking with me about all kinds of things about America and Ghana and was telling me about how much they are ‘suffering’ in Ghana. The conversation turned to marriage and family as it normally does and Linda told me to get out the picture of my family so I showed it to him and told him who everyone was. Mom he loved you, he kept saying “your mother is so beautiful, so beautiful”. People always comment on how beautiful you are mom, I feel so flattered when they later tell me that I look like you! I love you! I was looking at the picture after that with the biggest smile on my face so grateful for my family and I started talking to the picture saying that I was so excited to see everyone and Linda looked at me in surprise asking if I was a spiritualist. I laughed and said that I was a Christian and she was confused because I was talking to the picture. Rather than explain to her that I often talk to inanimate objects, I just told her that I was joking and she thought I was so weird. A women came awhile later and brought out a white baby doll which was given to me and I tried it on for size… This is the world’s best and most comfortable way to carry a baby I swear. Of course I was just carrying a doll but I am totally carrying my babies around the house like this when I need to be hands free.
 I don’t think I will be able to pull it off in public in America but it really is so efficient and surprisingly the cloth feels so tight and secure even though it seems like it will fall right off when you just look at it. After a few hours sitting there Jackie came along so we walked home and then finished reading the Book of Mormon. BEST. I had to be back at the hospital for my interview at 4:30 and Jackie had to run pick up some things from MCH meanwhile so I made dinner and had it ready when she got back, ate fast and then went to the hospital. My interview went really well though there were tons of interruptions. The Doctors are on high demand right now with one of them on leave. They have a lot of responsibility. Walking home after the interview it was my favorite part of the day. The sun is going down so it is not hot but still light out and the sky always looks so beautiful. There are always children playing soccer on the fields and people running around everywhere in the best moods. I talked with a lot of people as I walked home and was just in the most cheery mood. I even tried my hand at weeding with the cutlass because there was a huge group of boys doing it in front of the Presby Church but turns out it is really hard. At home I was so hyper and was just running around the courtyard dancing and singing and talking with Mama as she cleaned up hers and Kings dinner. The 4 of us then sat and talked for awhile until it got really dark and booze man came home with his music on so I started to sing and dance again and he was being hysterical. He wasn’t too drunk to function yet so he was just smiling and talking, wearing his favorite green hulk shirt and it was so fun to just be under the stars enjoying the cool night air. It was a great day indeed.