The Human Experience

Where there is life, there is hope.

What causes people to hope as they had scarcely allowed themselves to do before? There is a lot of heartache in this worlds experience but hope and faith are what keep people holding on. The instinct to survive and to hope for a better tomorrow is something that everyone feels, something that everyone knows. It is the strength of belief.

I have been thinking a lot lately about human beings and what our experiences here on earth are all about. From a spiritual perspective, I have that figured out. I know that if I endure to the end and live worthily I will return to live with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ again, but what about my experience here on earth will give it the most value, what will allow me to influence as many people as I can and allow them to influence me as well? What sorts of things do I need to understand that will allow me to help guide others to come unto Christ through my example? I guess I just want to utilize my time here on earth in the best way that I can.

I am big on documentaries. I love them. When I was at home about a month ago with my family we watched one called "The Human Experience". In this film, Jeffrey Azize wants to find answers to the question, "What does it mean to be human?". To do this he and his brother spend a week experiencing what it means to be homeless, sleeping on the streets and begging for food included, then they go to Peru and onto Ghana to visit my place, my people...naturally I loved this. They visited leper colonies and spent time with people with AIDS, visit a hospital full of abandoned children etc...while watching them experience these things my mind was racing and I was taking notes like crazy on my phone because it really made me think about life.

-FAMILY:

       Family is the project of the human being. What it is to be loved and where that dignity comes from begins in the home. Our families provide us with our first experiences. Hopefully home and family means a safe space where we rejuvenate and heal. Whether it has been that place of security or if its been a place of insecurity, you want to share your life with them. They are yours. Family is true happiness and a love that you cant explain.

-RELATIONSHIPS:

       What is the human relationship? We're talking true, meaningful relationships here. Now that does not mean that you have to know everything about one another, nor does it mean that you have really influenced one another's lives or even spent a significant amount of time together. Of course, those relationships tend to be the ones we value most in this life; but, I think it is much more than that. The human relationship is about acceptance. It is about loving someone not because of what they do, but because of who they are...thats not to say that people's actions aren't important because they make us who we are...what I mean by this is that really great relationships between human beings all have one thing in common: ACCEPTANCE. Acceptance simply because you are a human being, because you are real. Imperfect just like everybody else, but real.

-LIFE, the ability to choose:

      A human life is an unrepeatable, unprecedented adventure. Every human life. Not one single human being  that has lived and ever will live will experience life the same. We each have unique experiences that shape our worlds out of those experiences. Our lives are a result of the world that has created us yet at the same time the world we live in is one that we have created. When God created the earth he gave us more than enough to spare, it is what it is now because of what we have made of it. Similarly, He gave us life and all the resources we need to survive, but we choose how we use those resources in this life. We live on the earth but choose how we make our world. CHOOSE is the big word here. Over the last few months I have learned the gravity of that word. The power that I have to choose is so much bigger than I had ever realized before. I strongly believe that the Lord has a plan for me and that He will guide me down that path, yet I have the ability to choose to follow it, to follow Him. I was reading an article in the June or July 2013 Ensign about a week ago, I cant recall which one, which was talking about independence saying that "real freedom is best exhibited and experienced by always CHOOSING THE RIGHT. God has given you not only the right to choose between good and evil but also the power to choose good OVER evil." God has given us power to choose; And it is a powerful thing, a powerful choice even. The choices we make determine the lives we live but ultimately we choose. This power to choose places us above Satan and his hosts, we decide, not Satan. With that, there is no room for blame. The only people we can blame for our attitudes and our experiences are ourselves. Of course there are times and people and places who do not have the ability to choose because it has been taken from them through forms of slavery, addiction, imprisonment or whatever, but attitudes are completely our own. No one but you can decide how you feel and how you see a situation. Those choices about how you feel are huge. I have experienced both sides of this in choosing to be miserable and sad and choosing to be happy and let me tell you, happiness is the better choice. And it was as simple as CHOOSING to be happy. It sounds crazy but I really did choose how to feel and it made all the difference. At the same time I had to be making good choices in order to really truly feel that happiness but it works.

-FIND JOY

       I have spent a lot of time outdoors experiencing this beautiful earth and what it has to offer over the last few months and incredible sights are truly something to be experienced and it is hard not to love those things. But, I have made it a point to find joy in the ordinary, in the simplest things and that has made all the difference.

The Mormon feminist...

The Mormon feminist argument...what does it come down to?

I have been reading some discussions from Mormon feminists about Ordaining women to the Priesthood and women being able to wear pants to church and other things like that...I'm no expert but these are my thoughts. I feel like I am a pretty Orthodox member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints yet I have trained my mind to be open and subjective through my studies in anthropology. The root argument behind these things and others is for gender equality. I spent 3 months last summer in Ghana, West Africa studying gender roles and to these women who believe they are entitled to the priesthood, arguing that they want to exercise equal authority as worthy men, I say that without separate gender roles, our social structure would cease to exist (in the world, but also in the church). This issue is not about men and women being unequal, its about your role as a woman and his role as a man. We are separate but equal, and being separate, we must be willing to fulfill separate roles. Argue what you may but our role as women is beautiful and important yet ultimately so different from the role of a man, women are beautiful and strong and kind and nurturing and gentle, we can enjoy the blessings of the priesthood as men do but we must seek them out through worthy priesthood holders in our lives, having faith that we can receive. The Lord does not withhold blessings because we do not directly hold the priesthood authority. We receive the same promises that men receive when we are faithful, maybe I don't understand their argument clearly so I apologize for my ignorance in that regard, but I am a mouthpiece for the Lord just as men are and I am just as important to the Lord as they are, I can administer and teach just as they can. My faith is just as strong and I am just as important within the structure and the administration of the church. I know this because I know that the Lord keeps his promises. The Family: A Proclamation to the World clearly defines the roles of a man and woman saying:

 "The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

 The greatest gift of all is eternal life D &C 14:7 and if I endure to the end I will be exalted on High with my husband and I can enjoy the blessings of his priesthood now and when we become like our Father, creating our own worlds. When you get married you become one with your spouse and one with God, by extension you are enjoying the priesthood just as readily as your husband is, or even outside of a marriage you can enjoy the priesthood through brothers, friends, fathers, grandfathers, bishops, home teachers...it all has a purpose. Christ's church is perfect. The people might not be, but the doctrine is. It is founded on principles and teachings that came straight from the Father, principles that have been the same since the beginning of time, principles that have been restored to us in the latter day through a prophet, Joseph Smith... principles that are sent to help us to return to live with Him again. He has a divine plan. We may not understand that plan now and we certainly won't understand it in a few days or even years, but He does have a plan and that plan is perfect. He made man and woman separate for a reason and He gave them separate responsibilities so as to provide the necessary balance needed for harmony in His kingdom. 

I agree that women have been marginalized for ages, and in many places around the world, they still are, even here in the United States. As we have been steadily fighting for rights throughout history we have often gotten them. Yes there is a ways to go, but true feelings of equality come in your own beliefs, in your own views of the divinity of women and our role here on earth. Men and women act as equal partners, but that does not mean that they hold the same responsibilities, they cannot if there is to be a balance in all things. To me it comes down to the doctrine and the principles of the Gospel. I believe that Jesus Christ is the head of this church and that Thomas S. Monson, his counselors, and the 12 Apostles are His special witnesses and they speak to us through Him. If there came a time when He wanted women to hold the priesthood keys so they could exercise the same authority that worthy men could, don't you think He would tell us through our prophet? I believe in modern day revelation, and I believe in our prophet. And if I am to believe those things, I believe that change in fundamental doctrines of the church will not come from lobbying. They will come directly from the mouthpiece of the Lord. 

At the end of the day I believe that our mission is greater than our roles, we all must work together to preach the Gospel to all nations and peoples, but we can't let things such as taking offense to things people say, or to the restrictions one may feel they are constrained by, get in the way of that mission. We must be advocates for truth. We must act in a way that will allow others to know Jesus Christ through us, we must believe in His church and in His leaders, we must KNOW Him, I mean really know Him so that we can better understand the roles He would have us play on this earth in order to further His kingdom on the earth and in heaven. He loves us, every single one of us, regardless of race, religion or gender. Believe in Him. That is all you need to do. If you do I promise you will one day know the reasons for the special organization of His church and I promise that you will find peace in your testimony because He will not leave you comfortless.

All the world's a stage...

     One of the most beautiful sights to me these days is the American flag waving in the wind. Big or small I marvel at the beauty of this symbol of freedom. It helps that the snowcapped mountains are ususually in the background, I admit, Utah is so beautiful. It has given me a lot of time to reminisce on the beautiful life I lead with the freedom and the opportunity that I enjoy. Sure there is a lot going on in politics these days that is frustrating to say the least, yet I still love America and I am still free from many of the cares of the world... that I am grateful for.

This time last year I was still getting over the shock of living in a new world, a place that I love so dearly, my Ghana. Anxious as it makes me now to think about going back to the challenges I faced there, I love that place. My heart aches for it sometimes and I wish more than anything that I could speak with the people that I came to know and love so much. I have noticed that I am still having a much harder time with reverse culture shock now than I was when I first got back or even in these past few months... I find myself being upset about something and then thinking about how insignificant my worries are compared to some of those which others in this world deal with every single day. I live my life and my life is a piece of cake, I really do live in the promised land and it leaves me feeling guilty for the ease at which I am able to live out my days sometimes. I know that it shouldn't because I was placed here at this time, in this place for a purpose and I have faith in that... I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for ME, that He knows me better than I know myself and that He knows my purpose, my mission here on earth, but sometimes it is hard. It is hard to have faith in the future, it is hard to hope for something better when something good has been taken away, it is hard to go through trials with a positive attitude, keeping in perspective that it is a refining experience, one which will allow me to grow stronger and more faithful. But it is also hard to not empathize with those humans who live under harsh circumstances with more unknowns to face in a single day than I am facing right now as I try to plan out my next few months. Today last year I was just venturing into Kumasi for the first time, experiencing a tro tro for the first time, seeing things that I had never seen before and again learning to make my own way, to be confident in a new place, and to deal with international issues. It is crazy to think that I was in Africa a year ago and now, because of that experience, I have a Bachelors degree from BYU and no idea where it will take me. It is a bit scary but SO exciting...the world is my stage!!

Like Shakespeare says, "one man in his time plays many parts". I know that I have played many parts thus far and that I have many more parts to play during my existence on this earth and that is so exciting. Exciting to be a part of a greater plan. Exciting to know that as long as I am faithful and stay close to the Spirit, I can be guided along the path that has been set out for me. I love having that knowledge. It helps me to stay strong, to stay faithful, and to stay hopeful in the future, knowing that I can and will find so much joy in the journey and in the destination. I could not enjoy the attitude that I do without the Gospel, of that I am sure. I would be lost without it. Trials only strengthen me and give me a greater resolve to stay close to the Savior and to my Heavenly Father so that I can be happy on this earth. Even though I do not see what is up ahead, the Lord does, and He will be there to hold my hand every step of the way if I let Him. For that, I am not afraid.

a different rhythm in this thing called life...

My heart has been aching for Ghana these past few days. Aching for the simplicity, aching for the love, aching for the sense of self found there, aching for the adventure and the experiences... aching for the life. Being back in America is a beautiful thing but as I reminisce and ponder about those long, hot days, I cant help but smile at all the challenges that contributed largely to the human being that I am today, who I am right now...it has left a handprint on my heart...
Ghana helped me to learn about hope. Hope, to me, is a feeling, sometimes even a force that allows my mind to keep thinking, my feet to keep walking, my faith to keep growing, and my face to keep smiling. The rhythm of life in America is so different from the rhythm of life in Africa, in South America, in Europe, in any other country in this big world. I am not meant for the long term African rhythm, there was a reason that I was born in America and why I call this place home, but I cant help but feel so much love for my Ghana and the experiences I was blessed with there. Since being home so many people have asked me if I am ever going to go back and I always think about it for a second but the truth is that I probably won't. The tug on my heart makes me want to go back for a week or so sometimes, but honestly I feel like I got everything I could out of that experience and I want to learn more, to do more, to see more. There are so many opportunities in this world to be good, to do good, and to see good, and I want to be a part of all of it. Many times I wake up and wonder what good I am going to do, what good I can do... simple thought is the first step but it is action that puts things into motion. That hope which compels me to keep moving forward each day gives me the drive to see more and to love more. To act more.

I have read and heard blogs, articles, and comments from people who critisize others who go places and do things. No matter if it is a "privileged" white American going to Africa to help build homes or schools or wells or whatever; no matter if it is a "poor" white American who has raised the money themselves and funded their own trip because they wanted to get out and do something; whether it is an African American, an African, a Mexican, an Austrian, a Guatemalan, a Jamaican, a Muslim, a Christian, a Catholic, whatever...why do people feel the need to criticize someone who wants to get out and "do something"? Not to throw criticism back but those criticising are usually those who are sitting there wishing they had the courage to get out and do, yet they dont have the strength to act, so they sit and criticise instead. I dont care how underprivileged they feel they are, how they might feel that they have gotten the short end of the stick in life or whatever the circumstance may be... this life is filled with adversity, some may think that they lead a harder life but we all face challenges, no one gets away from them. They are just different for everyone. Some may think that is a silly statement coming from someone like me who has grown up in middle class America where my needs were always met and where I have lived most of my life feeling safe and loved, but I know people who have grown up in far worse circumstances who have turned around and done something. I know we can't always control our circumstances but we can control our attitudes (easier said than done, yes I know, but true nonetheless). Anyone can take those challenges and either let them destroy them or they can make them stronger. I choose the latter and I only wish I could inspire more people to do so too.And I know that I am not alone in that. People have an innate desire to serve one another, to love one another, and I wish that this silly world didn't feel reason to tear each other down so much.

In light of the recent attacks on the US Embassy's I have become much more politically aware and have been reading news sources off the chain this week because I am just so intrigued by our wicked world...but because of that, can't we all just be happy for those who want to be good and who want to do good? As I am studying human nature in my major it never ceases to amaze me how wonderful, beautiful, loving, and kind humans are and yet at the same time how critical, demeaning, judgemental, and jealous we are. I am in no way taking myself out of these categories because I have certainly had my weak moments but listening to Elder Holland's CES Fireside the other day really made me think. When we are fighting against so many things in this world, why is it that the thing we fight against most is one another. The Black Eyed Peas were not too far off when they sang Where Is The Love. The example Elder Holland gave in his talk of the boy who came back and played his previous basketball team only to be met with 'boos' and profanities broke my heart. Especially being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I know that it hurts me most when someone of my own faith, who claims to be striving every day to be a disciple of Christ, says and does things that are meaner and cut deeper than those in my experience who may not even be Christians. I guess all I am trying to say is that I want to be better, I want to love more and see everyone as a child of God and I just wish that everyone in the world could do so too. If we could see each other as God sees us, there would be no hatred, and no violence. Yet I know that there must be opposition in all things and where there is good there must be bad also. I just pray that those who are on the Lord's side can continue to strive to be those who are doing good and being good. To be those who act and serve and love. All you need is love after all...and I guess a little humility won't hurt either.

lets go.

I cried for maybe the first time today because I miss my bests. I'm feeling so overwhelmed about everything and not having them here is so weird. My whole college experience thus far has included Maddie and Erica by my side all the time, every time. Not now though. They are off in the European lands serving the Lord which I love and I know they are the happiest girls in the world so its okay that they are gone but BOY do I miss them. A lot. As I sit here with the van packed up all ready to move my life back to Provo its just a bit different than its ever been before. I knew all this but it is just strange as the time goes by to actually experience everything I have been anticipating for so long. Its especially different this time too because my sister and her boys are moving to Chicago so coming home here on out will even be different. No more nephews, no more sister and bro in law for the laughs, I love the rest of my family loads but it will just be incomplete coming home now. Thankfully I still have next Fall because fall time is the best time so I don't have to say goodbye to BYU just yet after this year but I just feel like I can't even express the way this feels. So excited, yet nervous at the same time. Its just going to be different. so different.

Like I said before though, ready or not here I come. Lets go.

the adventure has just begun...

So I've been in the Americas for about 3 weeks now though it feels like I never left. Africa seems like a bit of a dream, I know that 3 months compared to 21 years is not much at all but I guess I kinda felt like it would have changed my brain in a different way than it did in that I would have felt like Africa was my world, yet America is and I think I always knew that and even though a piece of my heart belongs to Africa...a bigger chunk belongs here. I love the food, I love my family, I love my friends, I love California and my home, I love the summers...I just love America I tell ya, it really is a blessing to be born and raised in the land of the free. Opportunities unmeasured. Its not without its flaws but it is a great country. Let me just lay out a few of the things that I have learned from this whole experience, in no particular order...

ACADEMIC and CAREER:
    Before going to Ghana I had plans to conduct my research, go back to BYU to graduate in April, take a year off to work and apply to the dual Masters program at Boston University in Medical Anthropology and Cross-Cultural Solutions, and then go from there. Turns out conducting Anthropological research is very difficult and while I loved the actual research and data collection aspect, what I did not love was the hours and hours of analyzing and write ups. My hands would cramp up and my palms would fall asleep from sitting against my laptop while I typed for hours on end. Props to all you writers out there...its hard work. Silly as that seems, I simply have no desire to do that again. Yes I am a champion typer now. Just ask me how many words per minute I can type now...I would be the best Secretary any business could ask for. Graduate level research would just magnify time spent analyzing and typing and call my crazy but I did not love the hours and hours I had to dedicate to sitting down while I typed away endless notes about my goings on throughout the day as I analyzed every minute of it. It kind of makes you stop living in the world because you are so obsessed with seeing and analyzing it that you cant simply experience it. Turns out, that is not my favorite way to live. Im more of a fly by the seat of your pants kinda girl. I like to take life as it comes and combat whatever ninjas or pirates or monsters come my way...not only that but the daisies and the sunshine and the dancing through life is not so bad either. Give me mountains to climb and heck I will climb them. Just dont make me analyze every second of every day to try to come up for reasons why humans do what they do. Anthropology is great, so interesting, and it has strengthened my testimony of human beings and the human existence for sure...I just am not fond of the idea of doing it all again. Now all that is not the only reason for my change in plans but it certainly is a contributing factor. Sorry Anthropology, I love you, but not enough. I will continue to pursue a Bachelor's degree in Sociocultural Anthropology for now, though I may not graduate in April since I am no longer in a rush. From graduation on I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do but to be honest, I dont think I am one of those women destined for a career. I love working, being independent, and supporting myself, but supporting a family is not one of those things that has always been on my list. Cliche as it may seem in this day and age, I just want to be a mother. It is my divine calling in life after all and I think it is a beautiful one at that. I have never had the desire so strongly as I do now. Be it because of those adorable African children that I cannot stop thinking about or what have you...being a stay at home mom and getting to see every step of my children's lives as they grow seems about the greatest job a woman like me could ever hope to be qualified for.

PERSONAL:
    Now besides the growth that I've seen in my stomach from all the starch I ate, I grew immensely as a human being. Being so far away from everyone that I loved, and everything that I knew for the past 21 years, I really had to learn to rely on the Lord (more on that in the Spiritual section) and through the journey when I was so alone, figuratively of course, I learned just about everything there is to know about myself. If I was dating me there would have been no secrets, not that I have any anways... Its all out on the table and what you see is what you get Lauren. I learned about how I form opinions and how I express those ideas and feelings, I learned how to recognize my feelings, especially when they were intense and foreign, I learned how to tackle adversity even if it wasn't directly happening to me, I learned how to love people I didn't know and to let people love me, I learned that people in this world have so much to offer me...I need to let more people into my life. I feel like I've been so selfish with the level of comfort that I have felt with my best friends for all these years. I love them so much and I have learned so much from them and laughed more than I can say, but there are people so different from me that I can learn from and love and laugh with just as much and I appreciate that, and those who I learned that from [shout out to Cass, Nat, and Jackie...along with all my Ghanaian peeps]. I have never been afraid to just be myself and sometimes that has not been the best because I get in trouble at times for having such a...well I guess Im a bit of a free spirit...and with that free spirit comes the most amazing sense of self... I guess a good summary would be just to say that all I know is that I am on my way to becoming the absolute BEST person I can be and I know that the past 3 months were an immense part of that growth.

SPIRITUAL:
    This was the most fruitful and yet the most unexpected in my growth. I knew going into this adventure that I would have to rely on the Lord, and I was so excited to be in a situation where I would get to make Him my best friend in a way that I have never been able to do before, what I didn't know was just how much I could come to love Him. Honestly, I thought I had a good relationship with the Lord before, now I feel like we are "two hearts with but one beat" (Little Rascals anyone? sidenote* because I didnt have access to any movie I wanted to watch when I got to urge to watch it, my life became a permanent string of movie quotes and it has continued while I am home. There is no rhyme or reason to why certain quotes pop up when they do but boy do I make myself laugh with all the quotes I think of all day). But seriously, I have never prayed more fervently, and frequently, nor read my scriptures with a real thirst for knowledge as I did when I was in Ghana. It is sad that I never was able to do so before but without so many distractions, it is easier to focus on what is truly the most important. I am still doing really well at reading my scriptures and saying my prayers since being home but it is admitedly harder, especially not being on a schedule...it just throws you off and you find yourself filling your time with who knows what when you could be searching the scriptures and gaining the WORLDS BEST kind of knowledge. The Book of Mormon is the BEST i tell you. I love that book so much. It is certainly not weird for me to love inanimate objects for just about everything I talk to them all the time, but I seriously never realized how much I could love a book. I always felt weird when people would ask me what my favorite book was because honestly, I couldnt ever give an answer for that but now I can. It truly is the Book of Mormon. Every. Single. Word. in that book is true. All of it. I have never believed so strongly in the truthfulness of this Gospel as I do now that I have an understanding of the Book of Mormon. I've read it plenty of times before but never in the way that I read it in Africa. The stories really did come to life and there were vivid pictures in my brain about what was happening while I was reading. I took a mini Book of Mormon so that I didnt lose or have to carry around my other one and it is now one of my most beautiful treasures. I dont have a hope chest but if I had one, this would go in it. It is marked up and written all over and when I flip back through the pages I am amazed at how incredible the Gospel is and how much the Lord can teach us through scripture. If you haven't read the Book of Mormon yet with a real thirst to understand, do it. You will find the most immense dispersion of knowledge that you have ever felt before. It far outweighs everything I learned in statistics and physical science and English...college is great but man having a real, true conviction and understanding about the Gospel is just about the best knowledge a girl could ask for.

With all that I have learned, I am ready to start my next adventure...ready is a funny word really, I feel kind of like I am playing hide and seek because what I should actually be saying to myself is "ready or not, here I come". Entering my Senior year is college is NOTHING like the way I felt when I entered my senior year of high school. This is still exciting but much more daunting. There is no longer a plan after the conclusion of this year, no applications to be made for continued formal learning...that is kind of scary but I know that it will all work out. Everything will work out for good.

my last few weeks in Ghana...

I'm skipping the last few weeks journal posts because they are just too long and I am sure you have all had enough of my novels but I will say that the last week was a bit of a struggle. Hard as I tried to not get trunky, it is very difficult especially when research is complete and you are just hanging out in Ghana...surprisingly there is absolutely nothing to do aside from the entertainment you make for yourself when you no longer have a purpose in being there but we found adventures and did school and kept ourselves busy and laughing so it was still great. Some highlights are as follows:

1. dinnertime. no table, no utencils...dig in

 2. pounding palm nuts for their oil...hard work i tell ya

 3. my favorite pals...yep I wore the same shirt 3 times that last week. I love Ghana

 4. some of the hospital staff...Jackie and I are wearing outfits that were given to us as a gift. 

 5. SWIMMING!!!! best ever, at a hotel in Kumasi (in the city)

 6. Cassie and Kofi walking down to the Wiamoase house

 7. coolest grasshopper I've ever seen

 8. Just weeding at the farm. machetes for life

 8. Primary children!

 9. Some members of our branch...last Sunday at church

Lets just say it was the perfect conclusion to the perfect summer. Perfect is a word I use very loosely here yet I know that it was perfect for me. I love you Ghana. I always will.