GONE

       My Erica is set apart. How weird that feels to not be able to call her. I never knew how close I could grow to a person in just a few short years. Maddie and I have been best friends since we were 14 so college was just even better being able to live together and play all the days, but Erica and Carley have been such a joy and such a strength in my life that it feels strange to be without them all at the same time. It was okay when Maddie left because I still had my other comforts. Then Carly Walker left and they were still there, now Erin is engaged, KP is off to Alabama with the hubs, who knows where Janessa will be in the fall, Danielle is all growed up, the pals I went to high school with are all in Idaho...not me. I'm not going on a mission. I'm not planning a wedding or a future career since I've graduated and moved on from Provo, yes I am going on this adventure and yes I am stoked out of my mind...but no, I have not one clue what I am going to do when I return. It will be WEIRD. My college family is slowly but surely dispersing onto different things. Everyone is taking the path that they were supposed to be on and they are being led to their future. I know that I am on the right path for me as well but man it is so strange to think how we have all been together just playing and learning and growing for the past 3 years and now it is time to spread our wings and move onto our new lives. We will be learning how to depend on other people rather than just our crew, we will be learning how to adapt and progress in completely different ways...not that we haven't all been doing that all along but when your support system shifts and changes, the whole dynamic is just different and you have to adapt and change to those new circumstances. One thing that I know I have been prepared for through these last few months especially is adaptability. There are going to be so many days in the field where events that I did not anticipate come up and things I did not forsee change the course of the day, I know that I will be ready for those because I am a very adaptable person and that attribute has been tested and nurtured lately and I don't mean to brag but I think I have gotten very good at it. I have been able to be happy in times when I thought my world would be crushed and I have risen out of trials that could have been crippling. It is in these times when we must choose. Choose to be happy. Choose to be strong. Choose to keep taking those steps every single day. I feel like these blog posts are all just ONE LONG BROKEN RECORD, and for that I apologize but all that I have learned this semester has been fairly comprehensive and it shows in my thoughts and attitudes.
        I do not think I can even fathom the experience I have in store for me. I know it will be great. I know I will learn and grow a lot. But I wonder just how much it will change me. Will my sense of humor change? Will I be able to have the attitude in real life that I have in these blog posts, one that is optimistic and positive? Will I be able to remember why I am doing this research so I can make it really count? I hope so. I hope that I can take everything that I have learned so far and apply it to my every day. I want this experience to be everything that I ever thought it could be and more and I know it will be as long as I have the right attitude. As long as I keep looking forward. I am heading to Ghana in less than a week and it feels like a sort of mission. Thinking about Erica entering the MTC tomorrow terrifies me. I admire her bravery and her faith. Maddie's and Carley's too. Russia, Latvia, and Germany are definitely not anywhere near where these 3 thought they would end up and here I am going to a place for 3 months, not 18, where I have chosen. I chose this and I am going to ROCK IT! I already know that I am going to look back at the end of each day with gratitude in my heart for the blessings I have received and August is already approaching way too rapidly. But with that will come new friends, new experiences, and new joys to be had. I will come back from Ghana as a woman with more. more compassion, more self-worth, more knowledge, more life, more faith, and more love. And that will be an accomplishment in and of itself.