I want to be able to use this phrase. To let the people who help me with my research know that I will stand by them. That I will take the information I receive from observing their doctor-patient interactions and from interviewing them and analyze it as best as I can in order to present my research accurately. That I will be their friend. That I will strive every day to understand their culture and their minds. That I will stay true to myself and to my research. That even when the nights get lonely or when I feel like I do not want to go on I will remember the reason I am there. I am there to learn. To grow. To build relationships with these beautiful people. To stand by them as one child of God to another. It is so easy to get caught up in life but I think i will be able to feel sparks of truth ignite within my soul every day if I let that happen. The only way to do that is to let those relationships blossom. I want to learn how to build upon them day by day through trust and love.
I have been thinking about collecting data and how that is going to be, really I have no idea. I have never really done it before. Participant Observation is different, I feel like I am doing that all day, every day. I love people watching. One reason anthropology is perfect for me. Are the people I interview and observe going to have walls put up? What if they are wearing a mask (figuratively) that hides their true thoughts and feelings? The scary thing about this research is that I will have no idea. I have to simply trust the information that I am given and I have to use it assuming that the people are being true to themselves and true to me. What does that really mean though? I think there are a lot of people in this world who could not answer that question. They are hidden behind so many layers of deceit, fear, sadness, etc...and they put up this facade so much so that they do not even know how to identify their true self. I am sure I even have my moments. While I am learning about the world around me, I am also learning about myself every day. I just thought about the movie Runaway Bride when Julia Roberts' character doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes. She just chose to like the same kinds of eggs that her significant other fancied at the time because she did not know which choice to make. That can be true to so many different aspects of our lives. We don't know which choice to make so we just go with whatever is convenient. I don't want my research to turn into data collection because of convenience. I want to take this experience as a challenge and a struggle, using it to find my true self while I help others to do so as well. It will take time. It will take me breaking down those walls with myself and with others so as to get the truest data that I can. The word 'nokware' means to be true in Twi. I want to be able to use that word and know that I have been true to myself in how I have sought out and collected data and I want the people I work with to be able to say the same of the interactions they've had with the doctors as well as their interactions with me. I just want to be able to stand by the people and my research in the end and say that I did my best and I kept the truth as best as I could.
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